My life thus far.

Well, where do I start. It has been one hell of a month.
I have gone from a blubbering mess on the floor, almost begging him not to leave me to where I am now.
Pete took a week of work and we spent it at the farm. Almost everything that was said was from me. I guess there isn't much he could say, but he did try to blame it on me. I wasn't there for him emotionally, I spent too much money so he had to work harder to pay for mine and the kids lifestyle. Rah Rah fucking Rah.
You know what? I'm NOT to blame. I didn't call her, I didn't have dinner with her on many occasions, I didn't put his dick in her on more than on occasion. I am NOT to blame. He is 46yo. He has a brain and made his own choices.
The thing that I'm so angry about is, the first week we started fighting about money, he picked on me cause I was too skinny, not good enough at the housework, garden etc. That week I groveled like a fucking kicked dog. He asked me to get his motorbike resisted, cut his hair, etc. All so he could get away to see Carol quickly on Saturday morning. I feel I did all I could to get them together without me knowing. All whilst sucking up his arse. This can not be forgiven.
Now it is his turn to grovel. I have told him that I need to fix my world, not our world. I need to work on ME and what MY needs in life are. He is part of my life NOT my whole life. Same as the money, house, farm, company etc. I think he has shit himself that I'm finally after all these (20) years I'm sticking up for myself. Right now I understand that just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to stay with them if your not happy.
I'm starting counseling next week. Right now I feel strong and healthy, but I know I'm not really, as I'm still using tablets to sleep and it is always on my mind.
I was obsessed with where they went, how long they spoke on the phone etc. None of that matters, I was just punishing myself over this. It really doesn't matter the fact is that HE did it of HIS own free will.
I feel such an invasion of privacy as I know they spoke about me alot, Our company has a website with my photo (and its the worst one) and my mobile number as well as things I have done for the company. She knows SO much about me.
As far as I know he hasn't contacted her for about 3 weeks, well not on his mobile anyway. I told him that if he did, I will not negotiate and I'm gone.
After adding up mobile calls, some dinners (still waiting for the visa statement) B&Bs drinks and loss of wages as he was with her, this little affair has cost us about $6000. Looking at receipts she didn't pay for a thing.
If she contacts him or is in our life in any way revenge with start.
I will put all her details (name, home mobile and work phone numbers, work address) on blog page. I have spoke to another blogger who is willing to do the same. I will out those deails on every comment I make, and comment on blogs from overseas or anything I come across. I will email her boss, and send letters and finally pay a visit to her when im in the area distributing pamphlets of what sort of a person she is to all her neighbours. If she stays aways, she will be safe from my rage.
I still weigh 58kgs, I'm looking smoking hot. Have a new short hair cut and colour. I know Pete will hate it but life is all about ME so I don't care.
I will start back at the gym next week and getting life back to normal.
I'm still dealing with my kids, they have been very hurt and confused about all this.
I will keep you up to date with my life.
Thanks again for every ones support.
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